Itsy Bitsy

If he were to describe his state of mind as he woke up in less flowery terms it would’ve been crap. No, he groggily realized, he had descended beyond feeling like crap and firmly landed into the shit area.
In short, he felt like shit. His head was spinning in ways he didn’t know was even possible from the worst drunken bouts, and he was one with experience of some very heavy bouts of drinking and merriment. His mouth was like a salt desert and his tongue had apparently twisted itself into an unbreakable knot.
As he tried to raise his hands to his temples to apply some soothing pressure he discovered his second predicament. He was tied up. Really tied up.
Not in the way of being handcuffed to a bed stand by an amorous partner or by leather and rope by one of the so called Mistresses of the Dark, as they loved calling themselves. No in this case he was was wrapped up almost from head to toe while hanging-
He now realized he was also hanging upside down. In what seemed to be a plushly decorated cellar. Wrapped in what seemed to be fine white silk.
He shook his head, trying to clear the fog, only to groan slightly as his vision swam and the motion sent him swaying slightly from side to side which only further exasperated his agony.
What in the seven heavens happened last night?
Once he had stopped swaying and the storm in his head had settled once more he tried to recall last nights events, or he at least assumed it was last night, as far as he knew he could’ve been knocked out for a couple of days. Not the first time that’s happened.
He frowned, the last thing he could remember was stepping out from the library after having spent the majority of the day doing research for one of his commissions, another one of those drab ballads for some lesser knight who wanted to be in the good graces to what he had called “a beautiful and fair maiden of noble birth”. He wondered if the knight was actually aware that- he stopped as he realized was getting sidetracked.
So he had stepped out of the library and was heading home when he suddenly felt a prick on his neck and the next thing he knew he woke up hanging upside down in someone’s cellar.
He hoped he hadn’t been grabbed by vampires, things usually got messy when they got involved and blood was such a pain to wash out of clothing.

A husky voice coming from the shadows at the far end of the cellar broke his train of thoughts.
“Mmm lovely, you’re finally awake. I was starting to worry that I might have injected a bit too much.”
He craned his head in the direction of the voice and at first saw a pair of piercing ruby red eyes peering at him from the darkness and as the owner approached he saw them to belonging to a woman with delicate facial features, looking at him with a gentle, if not alluring, smile.
No wait he changed his mind, it was almost predatory.
Her face was framed by long locks of silvery hair flowed down her back and into the shadows, her skin tone was ashen grey and a pair of pointed ears completed the image of one of the few things he really didn’t want to encounter right now.
Great, he thought, he’d be ‘taken in’ by a Dark Elf, but that didn’t explain the silk-
It was then he saw the set of eight legs and the non-human abdomen that made up her lower body.
And the red markings on the back of her onyx black abdomen.
If his tongue still wasn’t so twisted up he’d probably scream but all he could do right now was stare in horror at the black widow drider that skittered closer to him and still smiling predatory.
“Oh don’t worry sweetling, I won’t get rid of you just yet. Been so long since I had a plaything down here to enjoy myself with.”
Upstairs he could suddenly hear a faint commotion but assumed it was just from whatever her lair was hidden beneath. The drider walked up to him and hoisted him up higher so he was now looking at her face to face. It was a very lovely face he realized. Except for the extra set of small red eyes on her forehead that I had missed before. She kept that sweet predatory smile as she looked at him and caressed his cheek with her hand.
“Mmm, you do look very healthy. Seems like I got very lucky on my hunting trip. So very young… and virile.”
His eyes widened in surprise as he felt her other hand crawling over closer to his nether regions as she talked. A part of him hoped it was her hand and not an overly large spider.
Upstairs the commotion continued and seemed to move towards him but he was a little bit too distracted to really care about that.
“I’m sure we can have a lot of fun together. Just the two of us all alone here in my little cellar.”
No, that was in fact her hand now groping him and giving him a painful pinch on the rear.
“Oh don’t worry your sweet little head, your last moments in life will be in sheer bliss. So why not just relax”
She leaned in close to his ear to whisper.
“And simply enjoy yourself.”
It was about that moment the cellar door exploded outwards in a shower of wooden splinters and he felt one side of his face sting as a splinter nicked zipped across his cheek.
“Get away from him you eight-legged harlot!” shouted a very angry dragon.